It Was All Random, or So I Thought
by rainingnextdoor
Summary: Life is random and when it happens to work out, hold on to it while you can. First attempt at fanfiction.
1. Prologue: It's Beginning to Get Me

A/N: This is my first attempt ever at writing fanfiction, let alone femslash (what a way to start huh?). Just know that Fleur goes to Hogwarts and disregard any discontinuities with technological advances. Some questions will be answered in the story (how they met, etc.). This is a one-shot, but it may be a two-parter. Who knows? I got the idea of this story after finding a found poem (haha, finding a found…) from I made from English class last year. You'll see how I incorporated the concept of that into this. Well, have fun. Review if you want, feedback is always good and appreciated. If you don't, it's okay… I'm like that.

Also, I didn't get this "beta-ed" like I should've, so there may be some mistakes. I just wanted to get this out already.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in Harry Potter– it all belongs to J.K. Rowling. It'd be cool if I did, but I DON'T. =P

**It Was All Random, or So I Thought**

_Prologue: It's Beginning to Get Me_

(Fleur's POV)

I've done nothing wrong to deserve this… to feel this way. It's eating me inside out. All I want do is huddle, lie in bed under the covers, or sleep it all away. I don't want to eat even though I'm starving (for you perhaps). The hunger pangs drown out what I'm feeling, but they also seem to intensify them.

And here I am… listening to a playlist of songs that only remind me of ardor towards you. I'm supposed to be getting ready, getting the adrenaline pumping for the next task, but you alone do that to me with just the mere sight of you. I want these feelings for you to go away than for them to be unrequited. Exposing them there out in the open and making me vulnerable is something I would go through if I had some degree of certainty that this pain would go away with just the feel of you in my grasp. Does that even make any sense? Wanting these emotions go away rather than to have them out in the open with the slight chance that they'll be reciprocated? Probability sucks because it never tells you for what it's worth.

Am I that scared? I think I am_, _seeing that I've kept up a really good façade. Perhaps it is my heritage that helped me with that. What have I done to deserve this as though it were some kind of punishment? I don't want it to be seen that way, but it sure as hell feels that way. I came to Hogwarts for the Triwizard Tournament. The allures of glory and fame keep me going through the daunting tasks of this competition. I was all happy and fine, minding my own business, until you came along. Don't get me wrong – you, even the thought of you, make me happy. It's the restless nights, the never-ending daydreaming, and constant, incessant thoughts of you, that drive me crazy. No longer did I think of what dangers the next task would entail. Every time I saw you in the halls with your friends, that red-haired boy and the one with the glasses, you never once looked at me or acknowledge my presence as everyone else did. I wondered what you were doing, thinking, or even feeling whenever I'm in class letting my mind wander about.

It isn't normal, but what is normal? Whatever people consider to be normal, it never is. Normalcy is relative. Anyone can believe an extreme as common as the air they breathe. Whatever I'm feeling right now is not common at all, but it has reached the point where I've gotten used to it. I've grown accustomed to this feeling as I have with people staring at me in awe because of what I am.

I've wondered what my life was like before these feelings grew out of proportion for you. It just came out of nowhere, you came out of nowhere. It was a very random moment indeed. It's not normal for me to feel such fervor towards another person. Even as though I may be seen as a superficial, narcisstic snob, that doesn't mean that I'm incapable of that. If you allow me to, I'd like to prove it to you.

But there's one thing holding me back from doing so… it's me. It's my stupid fear of opening myself up to another with the possibility of getting hurt. It seems reasonable to fear that, but it's stupid to live in fear of something that hasn't happened. However, there's a chance that that won't even occur at all – there's the chance that I won't get hurt. It's a sort of self-vindication for facing what I've been running from_._ Herein lays the conflict: should I stay or should I go?

No, that is not an allusion to that song by the Clash (though it could be depending on one's interpretation of the lyrics). How I know this, do not ask me. Should I stay this way forever and not tell you at all how I feel and be left wondering what could have happened? Or should I go through the depths of the oceans and reveal the hidden fervor I have for you with the possibility of you not feeling the same way? What am I to do?

I don't know what to do and I hate that. I usually know what to do because I can figure it out. I can't figure out this one particular predicament. You see, this isn't normal, for me at least.

Either go away or come to me and let me live and move on with my life… with or without you. I'm hoping, praying, needing, for you to choose the latter. But I'm so stupid because that does not make any sense at all. How can I force you to make a decision when I've not even made one myself?


	2. Chapter 1: Holding On

A/N: This was originally 'chapter 2,' but I re-ordered it all due to OCD.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or the lyrics of the songs mentioned. It'd be cool if I did, but I DON'T. =P

**It Was All Random, or So I Thought**

_Chapter 1: Holding On_

(Hermione's POV)

How am I supposed to last a whole month without her? I know we've only been together for about two months, but still, the upcoming month will be unbearable. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.

Fleur could've told me that she was going to leave school a week earlier for summer holiday a bit sooner than the day before. And now here I am, lying in my bed, listening to my iPod. Wait a minute, this isn't my iPod… it's hers. The idea of having matching Shuffle's as a sign of "fate," does not move me. Life is random and I can't help but think that. Talking to each other for the first time just because she saw that I have the same color iPod Shuffle did seem random, but now that I think of it, it did seem deliberate. What else would make us talk to each other? What would lead the other to profess the unexpressed affections for the other? I guess the iPods were the catalyst to our reaction.

So as I was saying, I'm here in my dormitory, on my bed, listening to her blue Shuffle. The very blue that reminds me of her gleaming, cobalt eyes. Her taste in music is very decent, with a few surprises here and there. As I listen to the songs she uploaded, I feel as if she's talking to me through the lyrics of these various artists. I am reminded of the many days we spent together in the past two months.

_Do you, do you like dreaming of things so impossible?  
Or only the practical?  
Or only the wild?_

Yes I do, I hate to admit that fact. I am a very bookish girl, or so I have been told. However, logic seems to suppress my imagination most of the time, until I met you Fleur. I could not stop thinking of what could happen between us, what I want to be doing to you or you doing to me. Inappropriate, but desired thoughts that I felt would never happen. It was even worse that I had no one to talk about them to, or anyone who I wanted to talk to.

Skip, next song…

_Toi plus moi plus eux plus tous ceux qui le veulent  
Plus lui plus elle et tous ceux qui sont seuls  
Allez, venez et entrez dans la danse  
Allez, venez et laissez faire l'insouciance_

I suppressed those thoughts to the back of my head. It wasn't until you said hi to me in the library while I was listening to my music when they resurfaced. It's like this song is telling me to join you as the others do in this dance. What dance? The dance of love? I felt like I've been placed into this "dance" involuntarily and you're just telling me to join you. _Toi plus moi._ I could get used to that.

Some French songs are not a surprise, this is in fact Fleur's iPod then. What else does she have on here?

_Just let me hold you while you're falling apart  
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down  
Fall on me, tell me everything you want me to be  
Forever in you, forever in me, ever the same_

American music? At least I know who this artist is. I'll tell you who I want you to be. I want you to be mine. I want to be yours, forever and ever and ever. I'm not falling apart until I know you are near. If I shall fall, then we shall fall together… in love. I can't listen to this right now. I want to be held by you and no one else. Next…

_Well this is incredible, starving, insatiable  
Yes, this is love for the first time  
Well you'd like to think you were invincible  
Yeah, but weren't we all once  
Before we felt love for the first time_

This is love. I've never felt this way about someone before. This is new to me, constantly thinking what you're doing, thinking, or feeling. I want it to stop, but I also don't want it to. I love this new emotion – it feels so incredible. I feel that it can never be quenched and that alone makes me want more of it.

I like this… discovering new things about you (and a bit of myself) through your taste in music. What else is there you have to _tell_ me?

_I'm still here  
But it hasn't been easy  
I'm sure  
That you had your reasons  
I'm scared  
Of all this emotion  
For years I've been holding it down_

Are you still here, Fleur? I saw you go, saw you leave. It's so hard to keep myself from apparating to where you are. We did meet years earlier, when you came for that Triwizard Tournament. Our eyes met, but I felt too scared to do anything. Emotions grew and when I found out that you were transferring to Hogwarts, they grew out of proportion. I saw you in the hallways. We had some classes together. Your friends talk to my friends. I had my reasons for not doing anything about those emotions. I was scared, so I held them down. Now, I feel as if you did as well. Music tells us what we feel without us actually saying it.

At least one of us had the courage to make the first move and I'm glad it was you. I felt like it should have been me. Mind you that it would have been genuine, not just some product of your thrall.

_Holding on, `til you come back home  
Holding on, without you I'm alone  
Holding on, `til I breathe you in  
Holding on, to be with you again_

I'm holding on and I know that you are too. Until we see each other again, I'll have your iPod to keep me company. You probably have mine. Could this be done with intent? If not, then what a fortunate random event this is. I'm not only talking about the iPods.

Life is random and when those random events that occur and work, hold on to it. I know I am. You came out of nowhere and I'm holding on. Who knows what could happen next?

A/N: The songs used were (in order of appearance) – "So Impossible," by Dashboard Confessional; "Toi + moi," by Grégoire; "Ever the Same," by Rob Thomas; "The Brilliant Dance," by Dashboard Confessional; "This Boy," by James Morrison; and "Holding On," by Alex Lloyd. Songs were taken from a playlist of songs that reminds me of someone of who I am too scared to do anything about.


	3. Chapter 2: Back to You

A/N: Not to seem cliché or anything, but this was actually random. I just sat down at my computer to check my grades and for some reason opened up Word and started typing. Weird. Anyways, here it is, the final chapter. I actually had a list of songs intended for this one, but I lost it and decided to wing it. By 'wing it' I mean listen to my iPod on shuffle and picked out songs that would work. As always, r&r if you want as it if always appreciated.

*Also, I re-ordered the chapters so that it'd make more sense. So, the prologue was actually chapter 2 and 2 was chapter 1.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter nor the lyrics of the songs used below. It'd be cool if I did, but I DON'T. =P (Psh, like that ever gets old.)

**It Was All Random, or So I Thought**

_Chapter 2: Back to You_

(Fleur's POV)

I shouldn't have left early. What was I thinking? I only wanted to be with you. The world seems to stop whenever you're not by my side, but it slows down when we're together. The feel of my hands on your hips and your arms around my neck… I miss that. I'm such a fool, a fool for leaving you, even if it was just temporary.

And here I am at the train station waiting for you. It's been torture. I can't function without you by my side. I wonder how I even got by before you happened to me. The very essence of you is lingering around my body as if it was always there to begin with and now I'm just starting to take notice. Who was I then? Who am I now? I'm so enamored by you that it hurts.

What have I done to get by this long, tormenting week without you? I noticed that I took your iPod when I put it on to drown out the deafening silence around me. The deafening silence that's not your laughter of which that I love so much. Your taste in music is quite intriguing. It's as if you're speaking to me when I listen to the lyrics of these songs randomly playing whilst I lay down in my bed staring at the ceiling.

_And if I stand here silent  
I almost start to feel you fading in  
Telling me to hold on  
'Cause it's gonna be alright  
Why don't you tell me again  
How you'll still be there when the heartache ends_  
_Say you'll be with me when the heartache ends_

How comforting that song was to me when I felt, no _feel_, that you'll be there when this separation is over. It's my entire fault for feeling this way and I'm sure you're feeling the same way as well. I don't want to be the cause for you feeling such pain – I want you to be happy, but more than anything I want to be the cause of that happiness in you.

I drifted off to sleep when I was listening to that song, only to be woken up by another. I'd rather be woken up if you were by my side. These constant thoughts of you and me – how we could be and what should. I like to think of a future with you and one without you is bleak. It's hard to wonder what my life would be like without you. I sometimes wonder that it'd be easier not feeling this way for you. I feel joy, but it doesn't come without pain when we're apart.

_Pain throws your heart to the ground  
Love turns the whole thing around  
No it won't go all the way it should  
But I know that the heart of life is good_

I had my life all planned out, but from the first moment I saw you during the Triwizard Tournament, I knew that everything was going to be different. It's like that feeling you get when you're about to sneeze and you can't control it. You know it's coming and there's nothing you can do but wait for it. And that's what I did after I saw you – I waited. I studied your every move, what you said and how you said it, how you walked, who your friends where, what you read during lunch… you came like a wave crashing into me. What was I to do? That was all that I could do. I don't know if you noticed me then, but I do know that I noticed you.

_Just stormed into my life like a hurricane coming  
Spinning around like a devil, from horns to toes  
I was so damn comfortable 'til you jumped into my ocean  
I may not understand you, but I'm learnin' as I go_

I'm just ripples in your ocean  
You're my tidal wave

Funny how things happen when you least expect them. After that song, I had to get out. I had to be with you. That is why I'm here, Platform 9 ¾, waiting for you. I'm not going to wait a month to see you again. Who made that arrangement anyway? I want to spend my whole summer with you and my whole life, _si tu veux_.

I've got it all figured out, whatever I was trying to solve anyway, and a weight has been lifted. I want to be with you forever. It feels right, but I don't want to scare you away. You need your space as much as I need mine (I hate to admit), but the rush is so invigorating. I'm going to see you in a couple of minutes as I see the train pulling up – what seems like a couple of seconds feels like an eternity.

_Taste  
I love the taste  
I need it's warm rush  
Rush  
I need the rush  
To pulse through my veins  
And I'll love you tonight  
Oh I love you tonight  
And tomorrow you may feel just the same  
Please don't bite me down  
I will know I'm alive_

The train stopped. My heart skipped a beat when I saw you walk out of the car. In no time, I was walking toward you. Our eyes met and we started to run to each other. Smiling, we ended up in each other's embrace. It felt so right. Lips where locked and the kiss was hungrier than I could ever imagine. Then I pulled away.

"I'm so sorry. Did you miss me?"

"Don't ever leave again and yes, more than ever."

"I wouldn't 'zink of it. If it is of any consolation, I was miserable wizout you."

"It is, but I kept myself occupied. You forgot this."

She handed me my iPod. I took out hers from my pocket.

"I kept myself occupied as well."

And there it was… the laugh that I've been longing to hear.

Life is random and when it happens to work out, hold on to it while you can.

A/N: Songs used (in order) – "When the Heartache Ends," by Rob Thomas; "The Heart of Life," by John Mayer; "Tidal Wave," by Josh Kelley; "Rush," by Dashboard Confessional. I didn't use a whole lot, but I got the most out of them as could.


End file.
